Today in the Mommyhood, Day 1025 (Posthumous)

(This happened last weekend, but when you’re only getting three hours of sleep at a time… delays happen.)

So, last Saturday in the ‘hood:

We’d driven two and a half hours to a birthday party, and because keeping Dane in bed at night requires wood slats nailed across his door frame a lot of effort, we were driving home at bedtime. We do this on longer drives: get in the car around bedtime, kids nod off after takeoff, ride home is peaceful and we toss the kids in bed when we get home. Except.

The husband was driving. And when the husband drives, he gets sleepy. And when he gets sleepy, he wants a milkshake. So thirty minutes into our drive, the kids and I are asleep (did you read the part where I only sleep three hours at a time? YES, I was asleep), and I wake to find us EXITING THE FREEWAY. That’s right. He was SLOWING THE VEHICLE DOWN WHILE CHILDREN WERE SLEEPING INSIDE.

For those of you with no children, this violates four fundamental tenets of parenting, two international treaties and at least one law of physics. I don’t care if your hair is on fire; if there are sleeping children in your car, you douse it with the three-day-old Diet Coke in your cupholder and KEEP. MOVING.

But, no.

To his credit, the husband was tired, and it was raining, and it was late, and I understand the undeniable urge for a milkshake at any time of the day. We even made it through the drive-through, and here I am thinking well, what do you know, karma must be looking the other way, when what happened? Want to guess? Go on, give it a try.

The car overheats.

That’s right. It’s an hour past bedtime, toddler and infant asleep in their car seats, in a driving rainstorm, in a K-Mart parking lot, two hours from home, and the STINKING. CAR. OVERHEATS.

German engineering, my ass.

As you might imagine, the children woke up and chaos ensued. We spent the rest of the drive rocking to a tuneless, goats-only rendition of Old MacDonald Had a Farm, punctuated by the cries of our unhappy seven-month old. Oh, and ten minutes before we got home? Of course. They fell asleep. Because, well, that happens.

Miss me much? 🙂

2013_08_26 Car Ride

Getting ready for the next round of “wit a AAAAHHHHAAAHH dere and a AAAHHHAAAHHHH dere.”

smooch -s