I Was a Senior Hottie (Sibtitled: The Pictorial of Doom, Version 1995)

Well, hello, ladies! Am I late to the party? I can almost always blame my husband for our tardiness, but this time I blame Dane, who has a crazy two-week long viral rash thing happening. Thank you, snugglebuggy. Deeply.

What am I talking about, you ask? (Or, privately amongst each other: Has she finally lost it? Gone the way of the fruit loop? Marbled out?) No, no, you doubting doubters. I’m just linking up with I Was a Senior Hottie at the eleventh hour, because it took me an entire week to dig out my old photo albums and come up up with some pics from 1995 (UGH. REALLY?), and then it took me even longer to come up with pics from the last six months. For real. I have, like, two. So go check out a belle, a bean & a chicago dog, read all those brave ladies who posted their high school pics along with their faces right now, and judge all you want. Because in a world where high fashion means pleated cream pants tapering to the ankle and matching cream clogs, I am Serena Freaking van der Woodson.

(That’s right, I said it. I WATCH GOSSIP GIRL EVEN THOUGH I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL IN 1995. Don’t judge.)

So, 1995:

What am I, the Washington Monument? Yeesh.

p.s. I’m pretty sure this whole outfit is from Express, back when Express sold stuff that wasn’t made out of snakeskin-print lycra and actually covered your butt.

p.p.s. Tapered, pleated pants. Really.

Aw, prom. How cute was my date? (Look away, honey, look away.) In case you’re not from Texas, he’s wearing a Texas tux: all business on the top, party on the bottom. I wore this poofy dress about three years before they were in style. Un-ironically. And even though I was the only one at prom not wearing a sequined mermaid dress, I loved it (which makes me sound way cooler and more forward-thinking than I actually was, trust me).

You can’t see it, but that’s a Spuds Mackenzie t-shirt I have tucked into those high-waisted, ripped jean shorts (shorts that, by-the-by, used to belong to Aunt Brookie, standing to the right). I wore that tee/short combo for at least three years of high school and pretty much all of college. Because they were COOL, y’all.

 Also, John Lennon called, and he’s never wearing his glasses again because, well, I ruined them. (Yes, from the grave. WHAT.)

Also, also, Aunt Brookie, did you really think I wouldn’t drag you into this? That’s what you get for being my fashion icon.

NOW:

Our Christmas pic from last year. I promise, I’ve had all kinds of haircuts since high school; it’s total coincidence that I’ve ended up with 1995 hair again, all these years later. At least now I have a Chi and an assortment of bedazzled hats. Speaking of which:

With the yummy puppy on his first birthday, in a glorified trucker hat and costumed as a dog groomer as imagined by Britney Spears. Y’all. Did I mention the yummy puppy? DEE. LISH.

Hold the phone, y’all, here’s one that more accurately captures what I look like on a regular day: hair all amess, hiding behind sunglasses because I may or may not be wearing makeup, hiding behind child because, let’s face it, he’s way cuter than me.

Oh, and HELL YES I instagrammed the heck out of that picture. We all look better with a little Lo-Fi, don’t you agree?

Did I mention 1995? UGH.

That is all.

Smooch -s

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24 thoughts on “I Was a Senior Hottie (Sibtitled: The Pictorial of Doom, Version 1995)

    • aw, thanks so much! i loved this link up and was only bummed that it took me an enitre week to dig out three stinking pictures. thanks for having me!

  1. Love! The 1995 pics cracked me up. Although they did make me feel old, b/c I was climbing the corporate ladder in 1995…

    Your Christmas photo is fabulous! What a beautiful family!

    • aw, thank you! i don’t know about you, but i stopped counting birthdays at 28. as long as something shiny shows up in a box, nobody needs to mention the reason for it…

  2. This is hysterical! And yes…you and I? We would have been the friends in high school. And probably now too, because I like your style…writing, that is. Although those sunglasses in the last picture? Look incredibly similar to the ones that I own right now.

    and you are right…we DO all look a better with a little Low Fi.

    • EXCELLENT! so glad you enjoyed it. if i could lo-fi eery picture of myself from today back to about the third grade, it would be a real favor to humanity. and really, giant sunglasses also fall in the favor to humanity category, becasue frankly, there’s no reason anyone should ever have to look at me without mascara. ever.

      p.s. JOURNEY ROCKS.

  3. 1995?!? Wasn’t that just yesterday. And, a-hem, in 1995 I was already in law school. Ugh, I’m old. But you? You are adorable then and now! The ivory outfit is classy. The Texas Tux made me cry. And snort. Awesome!

    • there’s something so endearing to me about the texas tux, now that i’ve had fifteen+ years to look back on it. back then, well… i didn’t have a very good sense of humor. shame on me!

    • thank you so much – it was one of those good moments where we were all laughing (possibly at each other, but still). and man, that texas tux… really, there are no words.

  4. the cream outfit may be (OK “IS”) funny now, but back THEN that was super classy. You were keeping it neutral. I commend you. The prom dress is fine. The CHOKER though. Wow. And his tux is a major problem but this isn’t about him is it? And now. You are crazy cute. Stop hiding.

    • ah, thank you! and yes, that is expertly noted that the ACCESSORIZATION of the prom dress is part of what makes it so, um… THAT. Because nothing says classy like four fake pearl necklaces stacked together and worn so tightly my lips were blue. 🙂 95 forever, yo….

  5. grr. I keep trying to comment but I have a wp.com account and my blog is wp.org and with certain websites the two get bungled and it keeps telling me I have the wrong password. (will bypass with my personal e-mail).

    So … I’ve run out of steam for the comment after having commented two times. But you look super cool in all your photos. And if it were not for the Washington Monument one, you would be too cool for me and that would be sad.

    • ah, thank you for all the commentry. also, so sorry it’s taken me like, ten days to respond. but trust me, i was/am/have never been cool – ESPECIALLY not in high school!

  6. 1995 represent! I was a 1995 grad too. That first picture of you in white? I think I had that sweater in navy and when I say “had,” I mean I donated it only a few months ago!! You look great!

  7. Wait a DANG MINUTE – how did I miss this post?

    You are fabulous. And not just for 1995, although that was a great year in which I drank many margaritas but I’m older than you are so that’s okay.

    Anyway.

    You’re adorable and if I could I’d wear sunglasses 24 hours a day because as previously stated, I am older than you are and not only do I sometimes not wear make-up but I’m always wearing “laugh lines” and they get worse when I drink margaritas.

    So.

    Sunglasses. Oh yes. The most important accessory in my possession.
    Especially now that my babies aren’t cute and smushy-faced anymore.

    Sigh.

    • somewhere between margaritas and sunglasses i am fairly certain i developed a totally inappropriate girl crush on you. tmi? so sorry. (call me!).

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