Why, Hello!

Did you miss me? Long for my presence? Pass the time of my absence in loneliness and despair? Take up the banjo? Meet someone and run off to Mexico? No? Bummer. I missed you. Trust me.

Want to know what I’ve been up to? Conveniently, it’s almost Monday. Yay! Well, sort of! Okay, not really! But for Monday Listicles this week, I’ll catch you up on some things I learned about Kansas, leather goods and my child over the last three weeks.

1. I hid from this:

Why yes, Dorothy, that IS a tornado.

I would make some comment about the madness of seeing a tornado out the back window of Aunt Brookie’s house (just before we all dashed into the basement for, oh, an hour), but really: duh.

2. I bought boots. And other stuff, but really, boots. Cowboy boots. Embroidered with doves. Did I mention boots? Oh yes. Boots.

3. Aunt Brookie coined a new phrase: mommystalker. As in “Please stop staring at your child in the video monitor, you mommystalker.” And at first, I was all hey, nice, A.B., and then it hit me. She’s right. Damn.

4. With two nights left, Dane’s last overnight diaper developed a puncture wound (an overzealous diapering mommy might have caused this. I won’t name names, but…). So: duct tape. And you know what? Worked like a charm.

Is a crotch shot inappropriate for an eighteen-month-old?

5. Dane’s cousins tested his masculinity. He passed.

In sixteen years, he’s going to KILL me for this.

6. I discovered I’m raising the next David Beckham. Although I would prefer NOT to see him in his underwear on a billboard. Which is something I never thought I’d say about my child, but there you go.

Fully clothed. (Finally.)

7. We watched a daily live show of construction out A.B.’s breakfast room window. Dane can now identify, by sound only: a cement mixer, a backhoe, a dozer, a plumbing van and a Land Rover. That’s right. My next call is to Mensa.


8. Black beans + Dane bored in a restaurant = Smearage

Also, delicious. I’d eat those beans.

9. Wait, scratch David Beckham. Dane’s going to be the next Paul Tuetel, Jr. Only with better hair.

Why yes, Dorothy, that IS a chopper made out of Legos.

Also, Legoland rocks. There are some words I never thought I’d say, and I lived in Denmark. But there you go.

10. Thank God, his cousins are cool. Otherwise, Dane’s screwed.

Fabulousness is genetic.

Smooch -s


29 thoughts on “Why, Hello!

  1. Looks like a trip filled with laugher – I know *I* cracked up at these pictures, so I can only imagine how much you guys must’ve laughed. Yes, he will kill you for some of those pictures. But only if you show them to his high school girlfriend!

    • glad the pics made you smile, we had a lot of fun (as always) – and those are the tame pics, really. i didn’t put the ones on there of my nephew driving an excavator! 🙂

  2. I’m so glad to see you and that you survived the tornado (SCARY!) and that Dane survived his girly makeover. You can be sure and use that one at the rehearsal dinner for his wedding!

    • i am so committed to bribery as a parenting technique. everything i can get now, i’m getting – because if dane is like i was as a teenager, we are in deep, deep trouble.

  3. Oh my GOSH, it was right on top of you. How did you not crap your pants? Also I love Dane’s long hair so much. Monkey had hair like that, but I succumbed to pressure and cut it all off one day. Now he looks like a big tough boy, but I miss running my hands through his hair. 😦

    • i’m so glad you said that because i had just convinced myself to cut it and i really don’t want to. this is an ongoing saga in my life. i guess it’s good if that’s the worst thing i have to worry about…

  4. Missed you loads! My kid is watching a documentary about a tornado as I type this. WOW!
    Also Mommystalker you have double standards. He is not allowed to be on billboards in underwear but on a blog in diaper is fine? Oy!! Long live Legos!

    • ha! yes, you totally have a point there. i thought of that as i was posting photos last night and trying to keep my last remaining eyelid propped up with a toothpick (it’s been a long few weeks). i guess if he wanted to be on a billboard in his diaper i would be okay with it because he’s still so wee and cute, but at 28 or 35 or however old becks is? well, let’s just say if that happens i hope its past my time. Missed you guys, too, so good to be back (even if i am a little, ahem, off topic this week!!).

  5. What a fun list! That tornado would completely freak me out. And YAY for boots! Duct tape rocks. And I’m quite sure I don’t ever want to see my son on a billboard in his underwear. Even if he looked like David Beckham. 🙂

    • I know, right? I do love to ogle Becks, but when I start thinking about my son being anything but a little innocent boy – I have a long road ahead!

  6. I’ve never seen a real tornado before. From the looks of your picture, that is close enough for me. Boots! I’m so jealous. I actually want a real pair of “cowboy-ish” boots. I have no idea where I would wear them, or if I even would. But, wow, they look so darn cool.

  7. Horray for boots and legos! Boo for tornadoes. I think video baby monitors came out right after I had my last kid, so I was denied the opportunity to be a mommystalker. I would have made a good one, I bet.

    • the video monitor was awesome when he was tiny and we were in that “omg is he still breathing” new parents phase, but now my husband wants to crush it with his bare hands. so – good and bad. 🙂 also, who knew legos could be so awesome?

  8. If only I could hack into your blog I would add a 1 1/2 to your listicle…between tornado and boots. Because you left out the very best part. When after I commented on my thankfulness that we had all of our little loves and their lovies (somehow all Puppy-s 1,2 and Little as well as Tiny Blankey were in the same vicinity to be grabbed when the tornado was spotted) safe and sound in the basement…and you smiled with a moment of gratitude…and then shouted:

    “Oh Noooo!!! MY BOOTS!!!!”

    And I couldn’t have stopped laughing even if the tornado had swirled into the house at that very moment.

    Remember dat Aunt Su-Su?


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