No, that’s not a typo. MY MOM READS THIS, PEOPLE. Well, sometimes.
Y’all might’ve noticed I’ve been in an, ahem, funk lately. Focusing on the negative, feeling sorry for myself, yadayadayada. In the spirit of turning my funk upside down (which might not have any effect on my mood but would make for an interesting story over cocktails), I present the positive-focusing, endorphin-inducing, might-just-change-my-life-forever (or at least remind me of how good I have it) list of:
TEN THINGS THAT MAKE MY LIFE WAY, WAY EASIER
*Completely different from the list of Ten Needs of the SFB Mommyhood, mostly because none of these require kidnapping Tim Gunn or averting nuclear oblivion with a Mr. Clean product.
1. List-Making: Thank you, God, for all of your gifts, but most especially for Sharpie pens, engineering paper, my Drafting 101 prof who taught me how to number, letter and outline, and binder clips. Speaking of:
2. Binder Clips: Things I’ve used a binder clip for in the last week: bra closure, attaching a towel to the bottom of my Swiffer, hair clip (yes, seriously), massive tax preparation organization and diaper closure. Okay, that last one is an exaggeration but for real, y’all, IT JUST MIGHT WORK.
4. Aunt Brookie: Aunt Brookie, I swear, is an encyclopedia of s**t that can go wrong with your kids and how to fix it. That might, in fact, be her Indian name: She Who Fixes S**t that Goes Wrong With Sister’s Kids. Kind of like Princess Running Stream, but, you know. Not.
6. The Monster at the End of the Book, The Monster at the End of the Book Pt. II, Angry Birds, Fisher Price Animal Sounds, Fisher Price Puppy Parts, Etc.: I fought the smartphone for years (conveniently, those years were spent in Denmark where I didn’t really need one.) and OHMYGOD how wrong can one person be? Because even if I didn’t use my phone for anything but kid apps (because I promise I don’t have the EOnline app, uh-huh, RIGHT.), that would be enough.
7. My Mom and Dad: They’ve put up with me all these years, so I suppose they rate. 🙂 SMOOCH, Mmmm-Mmmm.
8. Any Whole Foods with a Hot Bar: I can cook five things. Of those, only four require the actual application of heat. Which means, I think, that I can only cook four things. You see where this is going.
9. Benadryl, Ny-Quil, Tylenol P.M. and Tequila: All of which have the magical power to HELP ME SLEEP LIKE THE DEAD.
and, FINE, I’ll admit it (but just this once, honey, don’t go getting all puffy and whatnot):
10. My Loving Spouse: Who, with his weird taste in sci-fi, bad jeans and muscle tees, completely negated my coolness, but who also manages to make me laugh when I want to throw something at him, picks up milk, pizza and Pei Wei whenever I ask, mows the lawn, makes a decent bartender and is the best dad I know.
Plus, he had a hand in this:
p.s. Linking up with Shasta (FAB, lady!) at The Good Life for Monday Listicles (because we all know how I love a good list).