Today in the Mommyhood, Day 488 (Part OMG Y’ALL WORM)

DUDE(S).

So today, Dane leans over and picks up what I think is a dead worm from the driveway. Because I’m, you know, supermommy and all, I go running over to take the carcass from him before it becomes (ugh, shiver) a snack, and as I’m trying to remove it from his sweet toddler hand, it… WIGGLES, Y’ALL. WITH IT’S CREEPY PLUMP WORM HEAD. AND THEN WIGGLES SOME MORE. AND I JUMP BACK AND SCREAM AND LEAVE MY POOR, DEFENSELESS TODDLER HOLDING A PLUMP, WIGGLING, NON-DEAD WORM AND OH MY GOD YALL DID I MENTION WORM.

So. Of course, Dane drops the worm and starts crying, and then my neighbors start laughing HYSTERICALLY (I live in the best neighborhood ON THE PLANET), and then (since my toddler is crying and also, you know, WORM FREE) I pick him up and on we go with our day.

EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE I SUCK AS A MOMMY.

Oh y’all. I am so screwed.

WHAT. NOW. MOMMY.

Smooch -s

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28 thoughts on “Today in the Mommyhood, Day 488 (Part OMG Y’ALL WORM)

  1. I just found you through yeahwrite and you should know that I’m now in love with you and you’re my new BFF. Hope that’s cool.

    You’re a great writer. Loving all of this. Are you on Twitter? I’m on a tablet right now, not a computer, so it’s possible I can’t see everything you’ve got to offer or something. Anyway I’m not seeing a “follow me on twitter!” plea or a “CLICK HERE TO SUBSCRIBE” command and I want to do both those things.

    I’m not a stalker.

    (Call me!)

    • yeah, we’re so totally on the same page here. i just moved over to wordpress so i’m trying to figure out what i can and can’t do with widgets and sidebars and all that. there’s a follow me rss link on the main page, just not on the post page, i think. i have a sad admission to make, too – i’m totally scared of twitter, just because i haven’t used it and between, you know, saving my child from creepy bugs and trying to find time to put on eyeliner, i haven’t spent the time trying to figure it out. maybe soon? but totally stick around, i am subscribed over at your place and we should kick back and have a few shots (except for the part where I’m old and i get a hangover off a beer and a half. WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN??).

  2. “But mommy, why don’t you like wriggly, squishy pink things?” Yeah, Mommy – Why?

    I’m lucky in that both of my kids are really, really into bugs and worms and whatnot, and so am I. If they tried to eat them, I’d probably flip, but the touching and figuring out I’m okay with. Still, when you expect something to be rigid and dead and then it starts wriggling – Ack!

    • Right? Dead should be dead, especially when it comes to bugs and other creepy crawlys… I’m generally not a squeamish person, but man, snakes, worms and caterpillars are kind of my kryptonite. Tequila helps.

    • HA! Now THAT is a creative idea. My husband and I had an argument later that night about whether cutting a worm in half actually makes two worms (I won. It doesn’t. Still, ewwww.).

  3. He planted it. It was a test. Now he knows. You are gonna have to bring your A-game, Sister, because next time it’s a garden snake. You should listen to what I am laying down very carefully. It’s coming. He’s a boy—heck, he’s a kid—if it wiggles, then he’s picking it up. Have fun! Erin

    • Thanks, that totally makes me feel better. Mommy fail. Although I do wonder if I’ve now scarred him for life against worms… which wouldn’t really be the worst thing in the world!

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