Today’s Thoughts from the Mommyhood

Today’s thoughts from the mommyhood:

(1) Dane’s diaper has started to resemble a codpiece. This is doubly funny to me because lately he’s super annoyed when I change his diaper and I keep imagining him yelling DOST THOU TOUCH THY DIAPER? and then whacking me with his little toy plastic hammer like a sceptre.

(2) Somewhere, in some alternate universe, alternate universe babies are sucking on all our missing soothies pacifiers. WHERE HAVE ALL THE PACIFIERS GONE? Makes me all capsy, it does.

(3) How is it possible to have 50 bibs and not a single one clean at pureed-prune lunch?

(4) Also, just because pureed prunes look like liquid chocolate does not mean they TASTE like liquid chocolate.

(5) Note to the Baby Industry, Part I: If it lights up or makes a sound, for God’s sake and the rest of ours, too, PUT AN OFF BUTTON ON IT.

(6) Note to the Baby Industry, Part II: If it helps a baby sleep, i.e. with a vibrate or white noise function, IT DOES NOT NEED A TIMER. Or, at the minimum, give me the option to LEAVE. IT. ON.

(7) Please God, don’t let diaper cream be toxic.

That is all.

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