So I was just reading my weekly email from Babycenter, and the “Your baby at 7m1w” lead off is the Spock quote: “Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” True dat. No real reason for posting about it, other than it’s really hard for me to separate the baby expert Spock from the Star Trek Spock, which leads me to this:
In other news, I’ve decided that if pregnancy were a 12-step program, it would look like this:
Step 1: Drinking
Sure, I’ll have another margarita.
Step 2: Disorientation
Um, honey, what did we do last night? or, the single-girl alternative, Um, how did you end up here and what’s your name again?
Step 3: Shock
Two lines mean …what?
Step 4: Ignorance
Well, why not? It’s not like you have to get a license or anything.
Step 5: Panic, Part I (Usually starting around the third day of childbirth class)
The what is going to come out of where? WHAT THE HELL DID I GET MYSELF INTO?
Step 6: Rationalization
I can do this. Remember the epidural. Remember the epidural.
Step 7: Exhaustion
Could somebody please make sure my feet are still down there? And get me a bucket of fried chicken?
Step 8: Panic, Part II
It’s coming! It’s coming! OMG WHERE IS THE EPIDURAL LADY?
Step 9: Pain
Get this *&%*&%^(*^$& thing out of me!
Step 10: Bliss
It’s a baby! We made a baby! And he’s perfect! And smushy! Our lovey little baby!
Step 11: Acceptance
Oh, that’s what those net underwear are for. Well, whatever. I have a fabulous little baby!
Step 12: Motherhood
Oh, shit. BUT I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RAISING A BABY! Shouldn’t there be a license for this?